This was written last night around 130 am in large messy scribble of mine throughout a couple of notebook pages. This isn't to those in my life i can rely on (*coughhack Jersey cough*) but its to those whom i think perhaps...i should no longer affilate myself with. I want to get out, before I'm so far sucked in I won't be able to get out. No one wants to remain in purgatory forever.

I cant stand the simple fact I'm always left here alone, with the mascara stinging my eyes, again. I'm so sick of everything I do for all of you, I'm sick of the lack of thank yous or appricaitve jesutures. I'm not a house elf, I'm your fucking friend. Godforbid you shut your fucking mouths long enough to let someone else speak---- matter of fact let me speak for once. Stop pretneding to try, you've failed miserably. Have I seriously done something wrong to deserve being treated like this? What friends are these? What kind of friend, are you inthe first place? 

All those times i sit with you all in a room, or in your apartment, i have to get myself to leave bceause there's so much angst in the room it's making me sick. it's sad you're all too self abosrbed to understand someone who's a little different, but yet, here's the idea of understanding someone else besides yourself. Sorry I'm a Hermione and you're all just little miss party girls. So, here's my question why is the girl who is everyone's friend, feel completely friend-less?

She's the only girl I know, who's just that good at smiling when she's really crying. Fears of not succeeding and finding happiness are most frightful, as well as being loveless.